i. I don’t know whether I’m crying because of depression, or because I’ve been told that I’m suffering from depression.

ii. I’m told I’ll come out of this, stronger than ever. I doubt if I’ll ever make it to the other side. I doubt if I want to even reach the other side anymore.

iii. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe it’s all in my head. But then, isn’t everything?

iv. There was a time when I had a problem with it, but I no longer mind cigarettes feeding on every ounce of oxygen left in my lungs.

v. I don’t feel hungry. I just eat. I don’t feel sleepy. I just sleep.
The only thing I feel is the wind touching my face. One gust after another. Like every lover that came and left. I try to hold on to them. I fail.

vi. Being alone isn’t an option because over-thinking fucks my head. Being around people isn’t an option either, because they might say something that will fuck with my head. All I can do is do is go by my routine, and pray that anxiety doesn’t come unannounced and rip the ground beneath my feet.

vii. Maybe I should post a funny Facebook status. My existence wouldn’t seem so worthless if I can make other people smile.

viii. I spent most of my life learning to keep my guard up, making sure that my armour had the kind of iron nothing could penetrate. Till I got crushed under its own weight. Now I just walk around exposed; my festered wounds try to befriend the dust in the air and the salt on my skin.

ix. Death makes more sense than life right now, but suicide is for cowards. But why is suicide considered cowardly? Those victims actually made a decision and stuck by it. Most of us live our days wanting to run away from life, and spend our nights making unsuccessful attempts to do so because we’re so afraid. Isn’t that the real cowardice?

x. The real enemies of mental illness patients are not just the ones who don’t understand the concept at all, but also those who ‘think’ they understand it, but actually don’t. Most of us belong to the second category, and that is really dangerous.

xi. To the people who say they’re always available if someone needs to talk, DON’T BE AVAILABLE. Speaking from experience, ABSOLUTELY NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A MENTALLY ILL PERSON. God forbid if you say something that fucks them up even more (Example – don’t be depressed yaar/ come on, buck up/ why are you so sad all the time/ it’s all in your head/ no one can make you feel something unless you want to feel that way), would you take responsibility for their condition? If you really want to help, try finding a good shrink in your area, save their number and refer them to people who need help.

xii. People need to stop diagnosing themselves. Sadness is not depression, bad concentration is not ADHD, and social awkwardness isn’t the same as social anxiety.

xiii. My friends need to stop saying ‘take care’ at the end of conversations. I wouldn’t reach out for help if I could ‘take care’.

xiv. My shrink tells me to dream of days when things wouldn’t be so bad, and live to see them. Hope is important.

xv. I think of what I want my life to be like. Being the competitive and insecure idiot that I am, I think I want to have a long list of achievements before I die.

Having woken up this morning will be one of them.

PS : To know what exactly your depressed friend needs, click here.